Threat to the Third World
My boyfriend treats me to only the best the third world has to offer and our latest adventure vacation to Nicaragua was the most exciting and adventurous vacation to date! If you grew up in the 80’s like me the only thing you associate with Nicaragua is a long civil war with Contras and Sandinistas. So I was originally shocked when my boyfriend suggested this country as a place to vacation. But in time I realized that it would be a big adventure and was relatively safe these days.
I got off the airport in Managua to be greeted by a heat sensing camera and people wearing surgical face masks. Those who listen to our podcast will realize that I have a bit of a sinus problem. I’m not sure why and I just call it ‘part of my charm’. But in a third world country so worried about swine flu that they are using a heat camera my little annoyance almost turned into a vacation stopper!
I sniffled (something I’m known to do) as the customs agent was looking at my passport. Apparently this is a good sign of swine flu so I was quickly escorted to a back room by a ‘doctor’ for probing and other scientific experimentation. This was a bit scary since I was in a foreign land and no hablo español. Somehow we managed to decipher that they thought I was sick and wanted to take my temperature. So the nice ‘doctor’ put a thermometer under my armpit. I was thankful my temperature was normal and a bit grossed out when the ‘doctor’ promptly put the thermometer back in the case…no cleaning…no sanitizing.
But I was allowed to enter Nicaragua and our adventure began. Stay tuned for our next adventure – bribing the Nicaraguan cops!
Rummy “a sniffle a day keeps the doctor away” Runner
DL Pictures, Ya gotta love them...
Ya know your driver's Licences Picture is bad when
- Friends ask, is this really you?
- Other friends (Less tactful ones), did someone just die when you had this picture taken?
- "This looks like a mug shot"
- A security guard (at work) suggests that the DMV is right down the street and they do pictures for free.
Since ALL of these things have happened, I think it's time for me to get a new picture.
**Update. The Security guard just called me (at work) and told me the hours & exsact location of the DMV. (After I got off the phone, I laughed soo hard I snorted.. FUNNY STUFF**
Cranky Cosmo
One way or another...
One way or another. I’m gonna find. I’m gonna getcha getcha getcha. Maybe Next week…. If you haven’t figured it out yet, these are lyrics to a Blondie song. Tini and I sang our hearts out to this lovely song… well it was lovely before we sang it. Don’t get me wrong, Tini sings pretty well, I on the other hand sound like the seagull from The Disney move Ariel.. .. In other words Horrible.
But I LOVE Tini and she has always wanted to have the courage to sing Karaoke (don’t ask me way…she is a bit crazy that way, but that’s why we love her). So, being the good friend I am, I volunteer to sing with her. Mind you, I have NEVER sang Karaoke and I could’ve went the rest of my life without singing Karaoke, but I did it for her (those poor people in the audience).
When she asked if we could do it another time, I said “Tini, This is probably the only chance you will have to get in on stage to sing in front of people. So you better take me up on it” Tini, being the wise women she is, did.
“What song should we sing” Tini asks me.
“I don’t care, Pick on” I replied, because I knew It didn’t matter, I was going to sound awful. Besides how hard could reading from a teleprompter be?
Tini Picked One way or another by Blondie. Which I have only heard a few times, but what the hell, Tini obviously knows the lyrics and I can read… How bad can it be?
After the electric slide line dance, we were up. (Yes, I made Tini get on stage/dance floor and do the electric slide…poor girl). I get on stage, ready to make a complete fool of myself. This way, people will talk about my craziness, instead of the nails on chalkboard voice I have.
One Way or another… we belt out. Tini is singing her heart out until…we get past the chorus. Apparently, she wasn’t too familiar with the lyrics either. Well, since I had NO idea how the non Chorus part sounded, I started making up words. Then when I got really desperate, I talked the words. Klassy!
The best part is, we got a standing ovation… ok that part was in my dreams, but we did get a few applause (ya have to love friends). Some people were laughing, I’m not sure if it was our antics or our singing… I’m going with antics.
In short, Tini got to conquer one of her fears and I got to make a fool out of myself (Nothing new there). So the next time you hear One Way or another imagine two (hotties) girls singing it at the top of their lungs while doing pelvic thrusts and waving the microphone cord around….
Did I hear Encore?
Daytona Beach Bike Week ... Rummy Style
The jabs started early. We walked into an Italian restaurant and the server said “I get it, it’s bike week…ha ha”. We were just there to use the restrooms before our annual ride through Daytona Beach for bike week. The difference between us and most everyone else is we were on bicycles not motorcycles. So instead of leather and tattoos it was those oh so cool padded spandex shorts, brightly colored wicking tops and Styrofoam helmets. With over 20 of us, we were quite the ‘biker’ gang.
I was in rare form as this is one of my favorite bike ride events. It’s mostly a social ride that culminates in several trips down Main Street, which is the strip where all the bikers hang out and watch the other bikers go by. So imagine their surprise when all the bicycles rode through. They actually seemed to enjoy our visit. I guess it was a change of pace and they could tell we were having fun. Some made little jabs like “where’s your motor”. To which we would reply “we couldn’t afford the gas”. Others made the “vroom vroom” motorcycle sounds for us. I started high fiving as I biked by which reminded me of my parade days. The bikers asked for wheelies and tricks. Being the ham that I am, I complied with some bunny hops since that’s all I can really do on a bicycle. It seemed to be enough though, since a group of (probably really drunk) bikers cheered for me like they had never seen a bunny hop before. I think maybe the tight little spandex shorts I was wearing had something to do with it.
All in all the bikers were great. They really made us feel welcome and made it a lot of fun. I can’t wait to do it again next year. In the meantime I must practice my hamming it up skills and learn how to wheelie!
Rummy “Biker Chick” Runner
All Thumbs
Rummy just sent me this funny email.
Cosmo,
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women reading this will be finished now.
Men are still busy checking their thumbs.
Your friend,
Rum Runner Rummy